Cam Girl Comparisons are Fucking us UP!
- Stassie Jones
- Mar 7
- 5 min read
Updated: Mar 13
"She's making so much more than me", "She makes this look so easy", "my raking isn't as high as hers", "They have more followers than me", "Her life seems so much better than mine"....
"How is she thriving in sex work and I'm dying in it?"
Do these intrusive thoughts sound familiar? Or maybe you're just normal and unburdened by comparison loops (good for you). However, if you're like me you can't help but compare yourself sometimes.
I got inspired to write this because a model I look up to made a post in her close friends Instagram story sharing similar intrusive thoughts. Her vulnerability really touched me and made me realize that I'm not the only one who gets caught in the comparison trap.
They say "Comparison is the thief of joy", comparing yourself to others definitely prevents you from enjoying your life. But it can be hard not to compare yourself sometimes. Comparing ourselves to each other is an easy trap to fall into. It can lead to feelings of inadequacy and skew our perception of reality. This profession can be isolating, which can distort reality even more. You spend a lot of time on the computer and/or working from home. Even if you work in a studio, you still require a great deal of privacy to work. Sometimes, studio culture isn't always friendly and full of "girl power" energy. I've had experiences in studios that were more social but I've also experienced studios where the energy was much colder and everyone mostly kept to themselves and didn't try to bond with one another. On top of all that, you go online and see everyone is beautiful. And mind you, we've all seen each other naked. Normies cannot wrap their heads around seeing all your "co-workers" naked bodies on a regular basis. It brings on a whole other level of comparison. Because of this, there can be intense pressure to conform to beauty standards. Getting cosmetic work done is commonplace and encouraged. Not to mention, most platforms that cam girls use have a ranking order that are made public for fans. The pressure of maintaining your spot at the top is fierce and it's extremely easy to drop in rank. Not only are the platforms ranking us on who's the hottest and who makes the most money, then you have social media. We all know the negative impact social media can have. There's pressure to have some clout, to have followers, and to get a lot of likes and views. It can be overwhelming to see these highlighted images on our screens. Sometimes we convince ourselves what we see online is the raw truth. It can sometimes make you feel like you're not doing something right, you're not doing enough, or you're not hot enough. IT'S A TRAP.
SW can be isolating, and harboring feelings of jealousy or envy is only going to make you feel more alone. Feelings of jealousy will have you move from a place of insecurity when this job requires you to move from a place of empowerment. Jealousy creates unnecessary resentment towards other models, as well as resentment towards the industry as a whole. This maladaptive coping mechanism is unhealthy and doesn't serve us. Sometimes in the moment, even the strongest of us (me) fall for this shit. Don't feel bad if you engage in this behavior. Notice it, forgive yourself and change it. The remedy...?
Practice gratitude. As cliché as it sounds, you have to remind yourself of all the good you have in YOUR life. Remind yourself how far you've come since the beginning of your sex work journey. Look around you and notice all the things in life your pu$$y (and hard work) has earned you. You'll feel so much better when allow yourself to see a bigger picture.
Creating community is also key. Reach out to models, create genuine bonds, join groups, and talk about your experiences together. You don't have to hoe alone. One thing I have found to be extremely helpful is going to events to meet your peers in person. Meeting other models is enriching. It humanizes us, we can connect to not only the model we see on the screen but the girl for who she is. You gain a deeper perspective about the women in your community and, at least for me, I gain a deeper respect and adoration towards them. Being around other sex workers is inspiring and learning all the different sex worker stories makes me feel connected to my own journey in the industry. I personally feel so positively charged after being around other sex workers because it reminds me I'm not the only crazy bitch in the world who chose this path in life.
What I also learn when I get to know girls in the community is there is no right or wrong way to do sex work. We all just have to do what is best for us. We're all are attracted to this industry because we think different, we function different, we move through the world different. I've worked enough normie jobs (and got fired from enough normie jobs) to know that I don't fit the personality or temperament that aligns with corporate work demands. Some sex workers are chronically ill, some are the bread winners for their families, some are putting themselves through school or funding their passions outside of the industry, and some are here because they simply just wanted to be. There is no right or wrong way there is just YOUR way. Embracing your own path will always lead you to success. Success is whatever YOU define. That is also different for everyone. Literally the only way to do SW wrong is if you're being forced to do it (Human trafficking resource at the end of the article).
Remember you have no idea what other models are going through even if they post happy things. Guys, I literally used to post luxury shopping sprees and international trips. Meanwhile, no one knew that I was miserable with the sugar daddy providing me with those things.
Remember rankings don't define you! Ranking high requires a HUGE amount of effort. This is NOT a get rich quick scheme. Winning first place in those streamate contest requires you to work 70-90+ hours in a week. Which is insane, even for people with normie jobs. Not everyone's goals are the same in this industry and that is ok! Rankings can't define our purpose in the industry. Set goals and focus on YOU.
Remember that other models are never the enemy. We already take so much shit from tricks, our families/friends, and society for being in the SW industry. These girls will save you if you allow them. We understand each other because we are all in this crazy and fuck up experience together. We are on the same team.
Shout out to all the sex workers in my orbit. Ya'll know who you are. I appreciate and admire you. Thank you for supporting me. Let's keep supporting each other!
Report or Learn more about Human Trafficking here:
Events to meet other's in the industry:
Comments